Giving is key to wealth

Thanksgiving – a day to give thanks for what we have and a day to remember that it is giving which makes us truly wealthy.

One day in May of 2002, Liberal resident Leslie Coker discovered something that would give her cause for thanks and ultimately reinforce her desire to give to others – a lump in her left breast.

"I decided to get a mammogram," Leslie said. "After they read it, I was told I should go see my doctor. I did panic a little when they said that, but my husband and I started telling ourselves that it wasn't going to be a big deal, because breast cancer doesn't run in my family."

Leslie's mother and grandfather both died of lung cancer and her husband's grandmother of uterine cancer.

"I always thought if I ever got cancer it would be lung cancer," she said, "however, Dr. (Michael) Hotard came in and said, 'I'm sorry, but you have cancer.'"

Leslie, her husband Rusty, and Dr. Hotard discussed her options.

"We decided to do a mastectomy that following week," she said. "They told me I had the most common, but also the worst kind to have – ductal carcinoma. Eighty percent of women get that kind. Stage 1 is curable. Stage 2 or 3 can be curable, but there is a chance it can come back and stage 4 there is no cure for."

Over the next few weeks, Leslie began a regime of chemotherapy.

"I would clock out at work and go get chemo and then come back to work," she said. "I had chemo once a week every three weeks. Each session lasted about two hours."

One of the affects of radiation Leslie experienced was the loss of her hair.

"I lost all of it," she said, "and I didn't want to wear wigs because they are too expensive, so I wore hats. I lost all of my hair and had no eyelashes. I got sores and a thumbnail and toenail fell off. My fingertips hurt so bad it felt like someone was banging them with a hammer. I was always tired."

In spite of the effects, Leslie does not regret taking the treatments.

"I would do it again, because there are still things out there that I want to do," she said.

Leslie's trials were far from over.

She developed lymphadema, had a hysterectomy, her gallbladder removed, suffered a broken hand and one day, she was diagnosed with ventricular tachacardia.

"I was at work and my heart was beating so fast I could barely make it to the Employee Health office," Leslie said. "The nurse rushed me to ER. They found out the port-a-cath had broken and I had a piece of it stuck in my heart. I had to go to Wichita and have a heart cath done."

The tests also revealed something else.

"Something showed up on my liver," she said. "At first I was angry. I wanted to know if I was going to die tomorrow, but it was so small they opted not to do surgery to see what it was.  They do tests every six months to check on it and have done bone scans. Everything has come back fine. I finally realized if it comes back, it's going to come back. There is nothing I can do about it."

Almost two years ago her cancer did return.

"A spot appeared on my eyebrow," she said. "I thought at first it was a mole."

At the urging of a physician she saw one day by chance, she had the "mole" checked out.

"I was first told if my cancer came back it would be bone, liver, heart or brain cancer," Leslie said. "It ended up being a form of breast cancer, but not the type I had before, which was very unusual."

Once again, Leslie began a regime of radiation.

"It never did shrink," she said, "They ended up cutting it out."

The myriad of trials over the past few years has been a test to Coker's faith.

"I always thought I was a Christian," Leslie said. "But, I just started going faithfully to church this year with my son. I have really tried to change my life, because I think God has a purpose for me. He has a purpose for everybody. People don't understand when something like this happens. They ask why. God doesn't want people to die, but that is a part of life people don't want to deal with. I am scared all of the time that I could die any day, but I could also step off into the street and get hit by a car tomorrow. God is the only one who knows when it will happen."

Her faith, along with her co-workers at Southwest Medical Center, have helped her battle another problem – depression.

"We have a good staff here at this hospital and I could not have made it without them," Leslie said.  "They were here when I cried and when I got depressed. I kept thinking who is going to raise my kids if I die. I'm too young to die.  I know the prayers of everyone here helped a lot.  They accepted me for every change that happened."

A gift from her co-workers has helped strengthen her.

"They brought me a frog," Leslie said. "FROG means 'fully rely on God.' It has helped a lot, because I lost my mother, my grandpa and (my husband's) grandmother all to cancer – sometimes it has been like, 'What did I do wrong?'"

One day, watching her son in choir practice –reality hit home hard.

"I wondered if it was going to be the last time I would get to watch him do that," Leslie said. "I have tried not to let it affect me too much though, because life is too short and I want to live it up as much I can, while I can."

Leslie says cancer has taken its toll.

"My youngest son was in kindergarten when I first got sick," she said. "He didn't understand that cancer could mean you can die. He realized that when he got older. When he was in first grade he suffered the whole year and cried a lot. It's been very hard on my husband and other children, too."

Her daughter, along with her concern for her mother, has the added burden of the "unknown" for her future.

"(Medical officials) say however old you were when you were diagnosed with breast cancer, if you have a daughter - you have to have them start getting tested at least 10 years younger than you were when you were diagnosed," Leslie said.

To add insult to injury, Leslie has lost a good friend – Janet Fowler.

"When she found out she had cancer again, I was afraid. I didn't want to lose her. But, it didn't matter what I wanted. God has a reason for everything. He was ready for her and she was ready too. When Janet's cancer came back so soon, I was afraid I was going to follow in her footsteps. That's what really hit home. I wasn't ready to go yet. I know death is a part of life, but that doesn't mean I'm ready."

Today, Leslie stresses regular mammograms to everyone she knows. And, she wants to give back from what she has learned.

"I want to help other people," she said. "I want to take classes to help learn how to go and talk to other breast cancer patients, because it is hard. It is scary."

Leslie, who returns for checkups every six months, is also thankful.

"I thank God I am still here," she said. "One of my doctors, told me sometimes people need the spiritual healing besides the medicine, and he was right. It took me a long time to realize that. When you are young, you think you are invincible, but look at all the young children getting cancer. Everyone says it is just an adult disease, but it's not. Sometimes I thank God it was me rather than one of my kids."

Her faith and family keep her going.

"God is always there," Leslie said, as tears begin to fall.  "He has given me so much – a second, a third and a fourth chance.  I don't want to blow it for him. I don't think I'm better than everybody else, because I'm not. And, my husband, Rusty, has been absolutely amazing. He told me he wonders how he could ever take care of our children without me.

"You do what you have to do to survive and do what you have to do for your family," she continues, "Life is not about me - that is not what God put us on earth for. He didn't put us on earth to be selfish and self-centered. He put us on this earth to help others.  I think there is more He wants me to do. I know He is testing me and I hope that I have passed."